Introducing New Feature: ...YOU ASSHOLE

Let's face it people - Im lazy as fuck. It takes a lot out of me to blog everyday and Im sure your all sick to death of reading my lame ass posts. So after careful deliberation, I've decided to hire a new dude to write the occasional random whimsy on life. His name is Chris S. Newceomr Esq. and every week he will be posting his random thoughts and cool LA shows in a feature called "..You Asshole" (inside joke, guess you had to be there). First post is below. Be sure to send the new dude a hello email. His addy is chris@rockinsider.com. ------- Chris S. Newceomr Esq. PRESENTS: ...YOU ASSHOLE Hello. JAX said I should do this because I Blog So Hard. Consider it considered and then done, because deep down (not so deep down) I long to indenture my servitude to anybody. It is in keeping with the historic tradition of my people (Stupid Idiots). So I will talk about this Autolux shit because I am their and Greg Eduardz biggest fang. The only reason I probably exist in L.A. (Los Angeles?) is to See Their Shows, or, in what appears to be every upcoming case, Not See Their Shows, and then Blog Hard About It. So, via their robotic luminoid Meltazose, programmed by their human slave Robert Densworth, I received a transmission informing yours truly that they are engaging in shows this mumf. CAPITAL. This news was echoed in two identical myspace bulletins posted within 2 minutes of each other, surely to reiterate its magnitude and urgent importance. Consider it chiseled in internet granite. Here is what I is talking about: AUTOLUX TOUR DATES December 6 w/Nine Inch NailsSanta Cruz Civic Auditorium, S.C. December 7 w/Nine Inch NailsCal Poly Recreation Center, S.L.O. December 8 POP SCENE, S.F. December 9 w/The White Stripes, Death Cab For Cutie, & othersBill Graham Civic Auditorium, S.F. December 19 & 20 w/Queens Of The Stone AgeWiltern Theatre, L.A. And here is a sumilated conversation between myself and uhhh i dunno some wigger or something, regarding the actualness of this info: Chris N: Do you want to (pay $$$$$ to) see NIN? Wigger: No. Do you? Chris N: I hope not. Do you want to go to San Francisco? Wigger: How long does that take? Chris N: Like 6 hours. Wigger: Then no. Do you want to (pay $$$$ to) see the White Stripes and Death Cab for Cutie? Chris N: Aren't the White Stripes boring and crummy live? Wigger: Yes. Chris N: Isn't Death Cab for Cutie just boring and crummy? Wigger: Yes. Chris N: Then no. Who wants to see even Autolux open for (expensive, crummy) bands that you don't like, 3 to 6 hours away? Wigger: Not me at all, and I'm just some wigger or something. Chris N: Well, they are playing at the Wiltern with... Queens of the Stone Age... for... 25 Dollars. Wigger: I would say Fuck That, but the shows are already sold out. Chris N: I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM SO BAD. It is our right as prole trash and neighbors and... Chris Newcomers to see them for 8 bucks at the Silverlake Lounge. Or for free at the Getty or the Museum of Natural History. Surely this can be easily arranged againnnn. Even to stand jampacked and squished next to vapid hipsters, as I enjoy the show so much more and harderrr than them because I LISTENED TO FAILURE IN 1995. I HAVE A HEAD-SHAPED 'STUCK ON YOU' SINGLE. I HAVE *THIS* For it is known that the truest most great fans of this band wouldn't even be there, but wishing such as they greasily encompassed their parents' Omaha basement and enquired on the autolux message board (the autolux message board) as to whether or not the Euge's two Whammys are... different, or, The Same. Because that was me. Except in Baltimore. Omaha is crummy. Oh well. Cold War Kids Live at the Silverlake Lounge 3 Mondays in December (5th, 12th, 19th). And FREE. Thank you The Fold. I'll go to those.And they're the same. The Whammys. chris@rockinsider.com